I've gone back and forth on having a baby shower. My first initial response was that I didn't want one. I felt like it would be kind of weird and what if (worse case scenario) something happened and we didn't end up with a baby by the end of November? Then I talked to friends about it and I didn't realize how much a baby shower meant to them. I got a mix of reactions from anger to frustration to supportive of whatever I decided. So I made the decision to have one. I know I can't make everyone happy, but one friend put it best when she told me that Farmie and I are good givers and that it was our time to be good receivers. Simply put, but I got the point. The baby shower is less about me than it is a celebration of our son's upcoming arrival. Not just his birth, but the celebration also of the end of this infertility journey we've been on.
So I'm diving in and just hoping that everything works out. I don't think I'll be completely 100% until the courts have signed off on the adoption. There will always be that worry. Even today our birth mom had a Dr's appointment and she cancelled because she wasn't feeling well. My mind goes from worrying that she has some strange disease that's going to harm her and the baby to thinking that she cancelled the appointment because she changed her mind and doesn't want us to adopt the baby anymore. I have 10 more weeks to go and I know I have to find that place of surrender just as I had to do with the IVF process. It's just hard.
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