The seminar was a lot to take in. It was almost two days of meeting birth moms, adoptive parents and listening about the adoptive process. I have mixed feelings about what I learned. It was more about the agency than the legal side of adoption. We were fairly clear on the legal process when we went there so my goal was to learn more about what they communicate to the adoptive parents at the time you're chosen. It reiterated that we really need to stand firm on drug use and that we need to trust our gut when it comes to what the agency says to us when they call saying that a birth mom has picked us.
About 40% of their babies have drug exposure or are addicted at birth. This percentage doesn't include marijuana since they feel it doesn't have any affect on the babies. I still feel strongly that this is probably the most important decision we will make in our lives and if we have the information and the choice I would like to avoid adopting a child with drug exposure. If we chose not to there are so many adoptive couples lined up. Once our group enters the pool there will be 13 total and that doesn't include those that are waiting for an invite to the next seminar. However, the agency did give everyone the impression that if a birth mom chooses us that is our baby. Sort of like we don't really have a choice or we will be looked down upon if we said a particular birth mom/baby wasn't a good fit for us.
I've been processing it over the last few days and it's another milestone behind us in the process which I'm proud of, but at the same time sitting in that room I couldn't help but feel I didn't belong there. Yes, we have had 4 failed IVF cycles. Yes, Farmie has infertility issues that we can't fix, but part of me is still thinking I'm not an infertile. I don't know what to do with this feeling and maybe it's because we were in a room with other couples and the agency kept saying things like "well in spite of our birth moms circumstances they just have young eggs" or "if the drug exposure scares you I suggest you get a surrogate". I felt that infertility kept being thrown in our face and maybe that's why there was a part of me that was like, "Hey! I could get knocked up if I wanted to!"
It's surreal being in a room full of hopeful adoptive couples and knowing that my body can create and carry a baby. I don't know how to respond to that thought/reaction other than to just suppress it. I do feel like adoption is the best step for us because the baby isn't biologically either one of us. I think it's probably what's best for right now, but I don't know how I'll feel down the road.
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