Birth Father's Mom Update and Dr issues

"R", the birth father's mom, called me on Thursday wanting to get together and discuss her role in the baby's life.  I thought things over through Friday and also talked to our birth mom about what to do.  She wanted to make sure that she was included in any discussions about how involved "R" would be, which I completely agree with.  She was bothered that R was wanting an answer right now about her role in the baby's life when we really haven't made clear decisions about how much the birth mom will be involved.  Our birth mom reiterated again that she supported whatever I decided, but she also said that there was no reason to be discussing this now.  She told me that she could call R and tell her to lay off if I wanted, but I told her I would call her and talk to her.  Our birth mom has enough on her plate to worry about right now.

So I called R and told her basically what I talked to the birth mom about and told her that this was all new to us as well.  I told her that our decisions will always be based on what is best for the baby.  I asked her what she saw as a reasonable role and she said that she just wanted to see the baby occasionally and for the baby to know her.  She didn't expect to be "grandma" or expect to take the baby anywhere with just her.  I told her that I thought that was reasonable, but that we would just have to play things by ear.  I told her that I don't think any of us can really make a clear cut decision right now.  It will happen organically over time.  She also wanted to know if we would be telling the baby that they were adopted.  I explained that the baby will always know that they were adopted from the moment that he can understand it.  I think for now she will just wait and not be so anxious about getting a promise of what her role will be.  I think we can make this work out for everyone.  One couple that recently adopted told us that they are supportive of the birth grandparents of their child being involved because it's been a positive experience so far and it's just two more people that love their child.  I will be happy to let R be involved as long as it is good for our child.

The Dr:

We had a two week check up Thursday.  The baby is still breech and the doctor told our birth mom that if the baby was breech at birth that she would have to have a c section.  I knew our birth mom wouldn't handle this well.  For one, she's like me and doesn't like people telling her what to do and not letting her have a choice in something.  And two, she's never had a c section and wants to avoid one at all costs.  Three, she asked the doctor about having a vaginal birth after a c section if she were to get pregnant again and the doctor said that she wouldn't be allowed to.  The birth mom kept looking at me like "what the hell?" and I'm sure that the look on my face was clear too.  I was irritated because I had been very hopefully that our doctor would be as non invasive as possible since that is what our birth mom had wanted from the beginning.  It's also what I would want if I were the one giving birth.  I also know that it's possible to give birth to a breech baby and that there are many things that can be done to help the baby turn.  Also, why get a pregnant woman this worked up over a baby being breeched at 30 weeks??

Also, I started thinking about the local hospitals policy of removing the baby if the mom has past CPS history.  I so adamantly do not want that to happen to our birth mom.  The thought of it breaks my heart to think that they would take the baby from her and place it in the NICU.  There may be a way to skirt the entire system.  We have a midwife birthing center in town and all of this could be avoided.  They allow breech births, they assist with natural ways to help the baby move and they would have no knowledge of her CPS history unless we told them.

After the Drs appointment our birth mom was so upset and frustrated.  I told her to call the midwife center to see if they would be willing to take her on as a patient.  She called and they explained what I already assumed.  Their policies on breech babies are much different and they would never have anyone sent for a c section unless it was life threatening.  Our birth mom wants to meet with them and have a consultation.  We go on Tuesday.  I'm hoping this turns out to be a better fit for her, but I'll let her decide that.  I want her to be comfortable with whoever she sees these last two months of her pregnancy.  I want her to trust that the person has her best interests at heart.  At this point I feel that that Dr is just concerned about a malpractice suit.  Actually, she even mentioned that a the appointment.  I'm hoping it goes well on Tuesday and that the birthing center is a good fit.  We'll see what our birth mom decides.